Lord Jim

第19章

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第19章

Lord Jim Joseph Conrad

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Lord Jim
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  day,month,year,2。30A。M……forthesakeofouroldfriendshipIaskyoutoputsomeworkinthewayofMr。JamesSo-and-so,inwhom,etc。,etc……Iwasevenreadytowriteinthatstrainabouthim。Ifhehadnotenlistedmysympathieshehaddonebetterforhimself——hehadgonetotheveryfountandoriginofthatsentiment,hehadreachedthesecretsensibilityofmyegoism。Iamconcealingnothingfromyou,becausewereItodosomyactionwouldappearmoreunintelligiblethananyman’sactionhastherighttobe,and——inthesecondplace——to-morrowyoushallforgetmysincerityalongwiththeotherlessonsofthepast。

  Inthistransaction,tospeakgrosslyandprecisely,Iwastheirreproachableman;butthesubtleintentionsofmyimmortalityweredefeatedbythemoralsimplicityofthecriminal。Nodoubthewasselfish,too,buthisselfishnesshadahigherorigin,amoreloftyaim。Idiscoveredthat,saywhatIwould,hewaseagertogothroughtheceremonyofexecution;andIdidn’tsaymuch,forIfeltthatinargumenthisyouthwouldtellagainstmeheavily:

  hebelievedwhereIhadalreadyceasedtodoubt。Therewassomethingfineinthewildnessofhisunexpressed,hardlyformulatedhope。“Clearout!

  Couldn’tthinkofit,“hesaid,withashakeofthehead。“ImakeyouanofferforwhichIneitherdemandnorexpectanysortofgratitude,“Isaid;

  “youshallrepaythemoneywhenconvenient,and……““Awfullygoodofyou,“hemutteredwithoutlookingup。Iwatchedhimnarrowly:thefuturemusthaveappearedhorriblyuncertaintohim;buthedidnotfalter,asthoughindeedtherehadbeennothingwrongwithhisheart。Ifeltangry——notforthefirsttimethatnight。“Thewholewretchedbusiness,“Isaid,“isbitterenough,Ishouldthink,foramanofyourkind……““Itis,itis,“hewhisperedtwice,withhiseyesfixedonthefloor。Itwasheartrending。

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