“Onemorning，whileIwaswalkinginasolitaryplaceasusual，I
atoncesawthatallmycontrivancesandprojectstoeffectorprocuredeliveranceandsalvationformyselfwereutterlyinvain；Iwasbroughtquitetoastand，asfindingmyselftotallylost。Isawthatitwasforeverimpossibleformetodoanythingtowardshelpingordeliveringmyself，thatIhadmadeallthepleasIevercouldhavemadetoalleternity；andthatallmypleaswerevain，forIsawthatself-interesthadledmetopray，andthatIhadneveronceprayedfromanyrespecttothegloryofGod。Isawthattherewasnonecessaryconnectionbetweenmyprayersandthebestowmentofdivinemercy，thattheylaidnottheleastobligationuponGodtobestowhisgraceuponme；andthattherewasnomorevirtueorgoodnessinthemthantherewouldbeinmypaddlingwithmyhandinthewater。IsawthatI
hadbeenheapingupmydevotionsbeforeGod，fasting，praying，etc。，pretending，andindeedreallythinkingsometimesthatIwasaimingatthegloryofGod；whereasIneveroncetrulyintendedit，butonlymyownhappiness。IsawthatasIhadneverdoneanythingforGod，Ihadnoclaimonanythingfromhimbutperdition，onaccountofmyhypocrisyandmockery。WhenIsawevidentlythatIhadregardtonothingbutself-interest，thenmydutiesappearedavilemockeryandacontinualcourseoflies，forthewholewasnothingbutself-worship，andanhorridabuseofGod。
“Icontinued，asIremember，inthisstateofmind，fromFridaymorningtilltheSabbatheveningfollowingJuly12，1739，whenIwaswalkingagaininthesamesolitaryplace。Here，inamournfulmelancholystateIwasattemptingtopray；butfoundnohearttoengageinthatoranyotherduty；myformerconcern，exercise，andreligiousaffectionswerenowgone。IthoughtthattheSpiritofGodhadquiteleftme；butstillwasNOT
DISTRESSED；yetdisconsolate，asiftherewasnothinginheavenorearthcouldmakemehappy。Havingbeenthusendeavoringtopray——though，asIthought，verystupidandsenseless——fornearhalfanhour；then，asIwaswalkinginathickgrove，unspeakablegloryseemedtoopentotheapprehensionofmysoul。