ButthemostelaboratethingofthekindIeversawwasthebreakingupofa``SecondAdventist’’meetingbyascoreofstudentroysterers。Anitinerantfanatichadtakenanoldwoodenmeeting—houseinthelowerpartofthetown,hadsetuponeithersideofthepulpitlargecanvasrepresentationsofthemanofbrasswithfeetofclay,andotherportentouscharactersoftheprophecies,andthenchallengedtheclergytomeethiminpublicdebate。Attheappointedtimeabodyofcollegeyouthappeared,mostsoberinhabitanddemureinmanner,havingattheirhead``Bill’’HowellofBlackRockand``Tom’’ClarkofManlius,thetwowildestmiscreantsinthesophomoreclass,eachoversixfeettall,thelatterdressedasarespectablefarmer,andtheformerasacountryclergyman,wearingadress—coat,awhitecravat,atallblackhatwrappedincrape,leaningonaheavy,ivory—knobbedcane,andcarryingostentatiouslyaGreekTestament。Thesedisguisedmalefactors,havingtakentheirseatsinthegallerydirectlyfacingthepulpit,thelecturerexpressedhis``satisfactionatseeingclergymenpresent,’’andbeganhisdemonstrations。Foraboutfiveminutesallwentwell;then``Bill’’Howellsolemnlyaroseand,inasnufflingvoice,askedpermissiontosubmitafewtextsfromscripture。Permissionbeinggranted,heputonahugepairofgoggles,solemnlyopenedhisGreekTestament,reademphaticallythefirstpassagewhichattractedhisattentionandimpressivelyaskedthelecturerwhathehadtosaytoit。Atthis,thelecturer,greatlypuzzled,askedwhatthereverendgentlemanwasreading。UponthisHowellreadinNewTestamentGreekanotherutterlyirrelevantpassage。Inreplythelecturersaid,ratherroughly,``IfyouwillspeakEnglishIwillansweryou。’’
AtthisHowellsaidwiththemosthumblesuavity,``DoIunderstandthatthedistinguishedgentlemandoesnotrecognizewhatIhavebeenreading?’’Thepreacheranswered,``Idon’tunderstandanysuchgibberish;
speakEnglish。’’ThereuponHowellthrewbackhislongblackhairandlaunchedforthintoeloquentdenunciationasfollows:``Sir,isitpossiblethatyoucomeheretointerprettoustheHolyBibleanddonotrecognizethelanguageinwhichthatblessedbookwaswritten?Sir,doyoudaretocalltheverywordsoftheAlmighty`gibberish?’’’Atthisallwasletloose;somestudentsputasafetidaonthestove;othersthrewpigeon—shotagainsttheceilingandwindows,makingamostappallingdin,andonewretchputindeadlyworkwithasyringethrustthroughthecanvasrepresentationofthemanofbrasswithfeetofclay。But,alas,ConstableJohnDeyhadrecognizedHowellandClark,evenamidtheirdisguises。
Hehaddealtwiththemtoooftenbefore。Thenexttableaushowedthem,withtheirtallhatscrushedovertheirheads,belaboringJohnDeyandhismyrmidons,andpresently,withhalfadozenotheringenuousyouth,theywerehaledtotheofficeofjustice。Theyoungjudgewhoofficiatedonthisoccasionwasnoneotherthanapersonagewhowillbementionedwithgreatrespectmorethanonceinthesereminiscences,——CharlesJamesFolger,——
afterwardmycolleagueintheStateSenate,ChiefJusticeoftheStateandSecretaryoftheTreasuryoftheUnitedStates。HehadmetHowelloften,fortheyweremembersofthesameGreekletterfraternity,——thethriceillustriousSigmaPhi,——and,onlyafewdaysbefore,Howellhadpresentedmetohim;buttherewasnofraternalbondvisiblenow;justicewassternlyimplacable,andgoodroundfineswereimposeduponalltheculpritscaught。