`AsforLoerke,thereisathousandtimesmoreinhimthaninaGerald。
Geraldissolimited,thereisadeadendtohim。Hewouldgrindonattheoldmillsforever。Andreally,thereisnocornbetweenthemillstonesanymore。Theygrindonandon,whenthereisnothingtogrind——sayingthesamethings,believingthesamethings,actingthesamethings。Oh,myGod,itwouldwearoutthepatienceofastone。
`Idon\'tworshipLoerke,butatanyrate,heisafreeindividual。Heisnotstiffwithconceitofhisownmaleness。Heisnotgrindingdutifullyattheoldmills。OhGod,whenIthinkofGerald,andhiswork——thoseofficesatBeldover,andthemines——itmakesmyheartsick。WhathaveItodowithit——andhimthinkinghecanbealovertoawoman!Onemightaswellaskitofaself—satisfiedlamp—post。Thesemen,withtheireternaljobs——andtheireternalmillsofGodthatkeepongrindingatnothing!
Itistooboring,justboring。HoweverdidIcometotakehimseriouslyatall!
`AtleastinDresden,onewillhaveone\'sbacktoitall。Andtherewillbeamusingthingstodo。Itwillbeamusingtogototheseeurythmicdisplays,andtheGermanopera,theGermantheatre。ItwillbeamusingtotakepartinGermanBohemianlife。AndLoerkeisanartist,heisafreeindividual。Onewillescapefromsomuch,thatisthechiefthing,escapesomuchhideousboringrepetitionofvulgaractions,vulgarphrases,vulgarpostures。Idon\'tdeludemyselfthatIshallfindanelixiroflifeinDresden。IknowIshan\'t。ButIshallgetawayfrompeoplewhohavetheirownhomesandtheirownchildrenandtheirownacquaintancesandtheirownthisandtheirownthat。Ishallbeamongpeoplewhodon\'townthingsandwhohaven\'tgotahomeandadomesticservantinthebackground,whohaven\'tgotastandingandastatusandadegreeandacircleoffriendsofthesame。OhGod,thewheelswithinwheelsofpeople,itmakesone\'sheadticklikeaclock,withaverymadnessofdeadmechanicalmonotonyandmeaninglessness。HowIhatelife,howIhateit。HowIhatetheGeralds,thattheycanofferonenothingelse。