Thefollowingpageswerewrittenmorethantwentyyearssince，andwerethenpublishedperiodicallyin_HouseholdWords。_
IntheoriginalformofpublicationtheRoguewasveryfavorablyreceived。Yearafteryear，Idelayedtherepublication，proposing，atthesuggestionofmyoldfriend，Mr。CharlesReade，toenlargethepresentsketchofthehero\'sadventuresinAustralia。Buttheopportunityofcarryingoutthisprojecthasprovedtobeoneofthelostopportunitiesofmylife。I
republishthestorywithitsoriginalconclusionunaltered，butwithsuchoccasionaladditionsandimprovementsaswill，Ihope，renderitmoreworthyofattentionatthepresenttime。
ThecriticalreadermaypossiblynoticeatoneofalmostboisterousgayetyincertainpartsoftheseimaginaryConfessions。Icanonlyplead，indefense，thatthestoryoffersthefaithfulreflectionofaveryhappytimeinmypastlife。ItwaswrittenatParis，whenIhadCharlesDickensforanearneighborandadailycompanion，andwhenmyleisurehourswerejoyouslypassedwithmanyotherfriends，allassociatedwithliteratureandart，ofwhomtheadmirablecomedian，Regnier，isnowtheonlysurvivor。Therevisingofthesepageshasbeentomeamelancholytask。Icanonlyhopethattheymaycheerthesadmomentsofothers。TheRoguemaysurelyclaimtwomerits，atleast，intheeyesofthenewgeneration——heisneverseriousfortwomomentstogether；andhe\"doesn\'ttakelongtoread。”W。C。
GLOUCESTERPLACE，LONDON，_March_6th，1879。
IAMgoingtotryifIcan\'twritesomethingaboutmyself。Mylifehasbeenratherastrangeone。Itmaynotseemparticularlyusefulorrespectable；butithasbeen，insomerespects，adventurous；andthatmaygiveitclaimstoberead，eveninthemostprejudicedcircles。Iamanexampleofsomeoftheworkingsofthesocialsystemofthisillustriouscountryontheindividualnative，duringtheearlypartofthepresentcentury；
and，ifImaysaysowithoutunbecomingvanity，Ishouldliketoquotemyselffortheedificationofmycountrymen。
WhoamI。
Iamremarkablywellconnected，Icantellyou。IcameintothisworldwiththegreatadvantageofhavingLadyMalkinshawforagrandmother，herladyship\'sdaughterforamother，andFrancisJamesSoftly，Esq。，M。D。commonlycalledDoctorSoftly，forafather。Iputmyfatherlast，becausehewasnotsowellconnectedasmymother，andmygrandmotherfirst，becauseshewasthemostnobly-bornpersonofthethree。Ihavebeen，amstill，andmaycontinuetobe，aRogue；butIhopeIamnotabandonedenoughyettoforgettherespectthatisduetorank。Onthisaccount，Itrust，nobodywillshowsuchwantofregardformyfeelingsastoexpectmetosaymuchaboutmymother\'sbrother。
Thatinhumanpersoncommittedanoutrageonhisfamilybymakingafortuneinthesoapandcandletrade。Iapologizeformentioninghim，eveninanaccidentalway。Thefactis，heleftmysister，Annabella，alegacyofratherapeculiarkind，saddledwithcertainconditionswhichindirectlyaffectedme；butthispassageoffamilyhistoryneednotbeproducedjustyet。I
apologizeasecondtimeforalludingtomoneymattersbeforeitwasabsolutelynecessary。Letmegetbacktoapleasingandreputablesubject，bysayingawordortwomoreaboutmyfather。
IamratherafraidthatDoctorSoftlywasnotaclevermedicalman；forinspiteofhisgreatconnections，hedidnotgetaverymagnificentpracticeasaphysician。
Asageneralpractitioner，hemighthaveboughtacomfortablebusiness，withahouseandsnugsurgery-shopattached；buttheson-in-lawofLadyMalkinshawwasobligedtoholduphishead，andsetuphiscarriage，andliveinastreetnearafashionablesquare，andkeepanexpensiveandclumsyfootmantoanswerthedoor，insteadofacheapandtidyhousemaid。Howhemanagedto\"maintainhisposition\"thatistherightphrase，Ithink，I
nevercouldtell。Hiswifedidnotbringhimafarthing。Whenthehonorableandgallantbaronet，herfather，died，heleftthewidowedLadyMalkinshawwithherworldlyaffairsinacuriouslyinvolvedstate。HersonofwhomIfeeltrulyashamedtobeobligedtospeakagainsosoonmadeanefforttoextricatehismother——involvedhimselfinaseriesofpecuniarydisasters，whichcommercialpeoplecall，Ibelieve，transactions——struggledforalittlewhiletogetoutoftheminthecharacterofanindependentgentleman——failed——andthenspiritlesslyavailedhimselfoftheoleaginousrefugeofthesoapandcandletrade。
Hismotheralwayslookeddownuponhimafterthis；butborrowedmoneyofhimalso——inordertoshow，Isuppose，thathermaternalinterestinhersonwasnotquiteextinct。Myfathertriedtofollowherexample——inhiswife\'sinterests，ofcourse；butthesoap-boilerbrutallybuttoneduphispockets，andtoldmyfathertogointobusinessforhimself。Thusithappenedthatwewerecertainlyapoorfamily，inspiteofthefineappearancewemade，thefashionablestreetwelivedin，theneatbroughamwekept，andtheclumsyandexpensivefootmanwhoansweredourdoor。
Whatwastobedonewithmeinthewayofeducation？
Ifmyfatherhadconsultedhismeans，Ishouldhavebeensenttoacheapcommercialacademy；buthehadtoconsulthisrelationshiptoLadyMalkinshaw；soIwassenttooneofthemostfashionableandfamousofthegreatpublicschools。Iwillnotmentionitbyname，becauseIdon\'tthinkthemasterswouldbeproudofmyconnectionwithit。Iranawaythreetimes，andwasfloggedthreetimes。Imadefouraristocraticconnections，andhadfourpitchedbattleswiththem:threethrashedme，andoneI
thrashed。Ilearnedtoplayatcricket，tohaterichpeople，tocurewarts，towriteLatinverses，toswim，torecitespeeches，tocookkidneysontoast，todrawcaricaturesofthemasters，toconstrueGreekplays，toblackboots，andtoreceivekicksandseriousadviceresignedly。Whowillsaythatthefashionablepublicschoolwasofnousetomeafterthat？
AfterIleftschool，Ihadthenarrowestescapepossibleofintrudingmyselfintoanotherplaceofaccommodationfordistinguishedpeople；inotherwords，Iwasverynearlybeingsenttocollege。Fortunatelyforme，myfatherlostalawsuitjustinthenickoftime，andwasobligedtoscrapetogethereveryfarthingofavailablemoneythathepossessedtopayfortheluxuryofgoingtolaw。Ifhecouldhavesavedhissevenshillings，hewouldcertainlyhavesentmetoscrambleforaplaceinthepitofthegreatuniversitytheater；buthispursewasempty，andhissonwasnoteligiblethereforeforadmission，inagentlemanlycapacity，atthedoors。
Thenextthingwastochooseaprofession。
HeretheDoctorwasliberalityitself，inleavingmetomyowndevices。Iwasofarovingadventuroustemperament，andIshouldhavelikedtogointothearmy。Butwherewasthemoneytocomefrom，topayformycommission？Astoenlistingintheranks，andworkingmywayup，thesocialinstitutionsofmycountryobligedthegrandsonofLadyMalkinshawtobeginmilitarylifeasanofficerandgentleman，ornottobeginitatall。Thearmy，therefore，wasoutofthequestion。TheChurch？Equallyoutofthequestion:sinceIcouldnotpayforadmissiontothepreparedplaceofaccommodationfordistinguishedpeople，andcouldnotacceptacharitablefreepass，inconsequenceofmyhighconnections。TheBar？Ishouldbefiveyearsgettingtoit，andshouldhavetospendtwohundredayearingoingcircuitbeforeI
hadearnedafarthing。Physic？Thisreallyseemedtheonlygentlemanlyrefugeleft；andyet，withtheknowledgeofmyfather\'sexperiencebeforeme，Iwasungratefulenoughtofeelasecretdislikeforit。Itisadegradingconfessiontomake；butIrememberwishingIwasnotsohighlyconnected，andabsolutelythinkingthatthelifeofacommercialtravelerwouldhavesuitedmeexactly，ifIhadnotbeenapoorgentleman。Drivingaboutfromplacetoplace，livingjoviallyatinns，seeingfreshfacesconstantly，andgettingmoneybyallthisenjoyment，insteadofspendingit——whatalifeforme，ifIhadbeenthesonofahaberdasherandthegrandsonofagroom\'swidow!
Whilemyfatherwasuncertainwhattodowithme，anewprofessionwassuggestedbyafriend，whichIshallrepentnothavingbeenallowedtoadopt，tothelastdayofmylife。Thisfriendwasaneccentricoldgentlemanoflargeproperty，muchrespectedinourfamily。Oneday，myfather，inmypresence，askedhisadviceaboutthebestmannerofstartingmeinlife，withduecredittomyconnectionsandsufficientadvantagetomyself。
\"Listentomyexperience，\"saidoureccentricfriend，\"and，ifyouareawiseman，youwillmakeupyourmindassoonasyouhaveheardme。Ihavethreesons。IbroughtmyeldestsonuptotheChurch；heissaidtobegettingonadmirably，andhecostsmethreehundredayear。IbroughtmysecondsonuptotheBar；
heissaidtobegettingonadmirably，andhecostsmefourhundredayear。Ibroughtmythirdsonupto_Quadrilles_——hehasmarriedanheiress，andhecostsmenothing。”
Ah，me!ifthatworthysage\'sadvicehadonlybeenfollowed——ifI
hadbeenbroughtuptoQuadrilles!——ifIhadonlybeencastlooseontheballroomsofLondon，toqualifyunderHymen，foragoldendegree!Oh!youyoungladieswithmoney，Iwasfivefeetteninmystockings；Iwasgreatatsmall-talkanddancing；Ihadglossywhiskers，curlinglocks，andarichvoice!Yegirlswithgoldenguineas，yenymphswithcrispbank-notes，mournoverthehusbandyouhavelostamongyou——overtheRoguewhohasbrokenthelawswhich，asthepartnerofalandedorfund-holdingwoman，hemighthavehelpedtomakeonthebenchesoftheBritishParliament!Oh!
yehearthsandhomessungaboutinsomanysongs——writtenaboutinsomanybooks——shoutedaboutinsomanyspeeches，withaccompanimentofsomuchloudcheering:whatasettleronthehearth-rug；whatapossessorofproperty；whatabringer-upofafamily，wassnatchedawayfromyou，whenthesonofDr。SoftlywaslosttotheprofessionofQuadrilles!
Itendedinmyresigningmyselftothemisfortuneofbeingadoctor。
IfIwasaverygoodboyandtookpains，andcarefullymixedinthebestsociety，Imighthopeinthecourseofyearstosucceedtomyfather\'sbrougham，fashionably-situatedhouse，andclumsyandexpensivefootman。Therewasaprospectforaladofspirit，withthebloodoftheearlyMalkinshawswhowereRoguesofgreatcapacityanddistinctioninthefeudaltimescoursingadventurousthrougheveryvein!Ilookbackonmycareer，andwhenIrememberthepatiencewithwhichIacceptedamedicaldestiny，Iappeartomyselfinthelightofahero。Nay，Ievenwentbeyondthepassivevirtueofacceptingmydestiny——I
actuallystudied，Imadetheacquaintanceoftheskeleton，Iwasonfriendlytermswiththemuscularsystem，andthemysteriesofPhysiologydroppedinonmeinthekindestmannerwhenevertheyhadaneveningtospare。
Eventhiswasnottheworstofit。Idislikedtheabstrusestudiesofmynewprofession；butIabsolutelyhatedthediurnalslaveryofqualifyingmyself，inasocialpointofview，forfuturesuccessinit。Myfondmedicalparentinsistedonintroducingmetohiswholeconnection。Iwentroundvisitingintheneatbrougham——withastethoscopeandmedicalreviewinthefront-pocket，withDoctorSoftlybymyside，keepinghisfacewellinviewatthewindow——tocanvassforpatients，inthecharacterofmyfather\'shopefulsuccessor。NeverhaveIbeensoillateaseinprison。
Iwasinthatcarriage。IhavefeltmoreathomeinthedocksuchisthenaturaldepravityandperversityofmydispositionthaneverIfeltinthedrawing-roomsofmyfather\'sdistinguishedpatronsandrespectablefriends。Nordidmymiseriesendwiththemorningcalls。Iwascommandedtoattendalldinner-parties，andtomakemyselfagreeableatallballs。Thedinnersweretheworsttrial。
Sometimes，indeed，wecontrivedtogetourselvesaskedtothehousesofhighandmightyentertainers，whereweatethefinestFrenchdishesanddranktheoldestvintages，andfortifiedourselvessensiblyandsnuglyinthatwayagainstthefrigidityofthecompany。OftheserepastsIhavenohardwordstosay；itisofthedinnerswegaveourselves，andofthedinnerswhichpeopleinourrankoflifegavetous，thatInowbitterlycomplain。
Haveyoueverobservedtheremarkableadherencetosetformsofspeechwhichcharacterizesthetalkersofarrantnonsense!
Preciselythesamesheepishfollowingofonegivenexampledistinguishestheorderingofgenteeldinners。
Whenwegaveadinnerathome，wehadgravysoup，turbotandlobster-sauce，haunchofmutton，boiledfowlsandtongue，lukewarmoyster-pattiesandstickycurryforside-dishes；wildduck，cabinet-pudding，jelly，creamandtartlets。Allexcellentthings，exceptwhenyouhavetoeatthemcontinually。Weliveduponthementirelyintheseason。Everyoneofourhospitablefriendsgaveusareturndinner，whichwasaperfectcopyofours——justasourswasaperfectcopyoftheirs，lastyear。Theyboiledwhatweboiled，andweroastedwhattheyroasted。Wenoneofuseverchangedthesuccessionofthecourses——ormademoreorlessofthem——oralteredthepositionofthefowlsoppositethemistressandthehaunchoppositethemaster。
Mystomachusedtoquailwithinme，inthosetimes，whenthetureenwastakenoffandtheinevitablegravy-soupsmellreneweditsdailyacquaintancewithmynostrils，andwarnedmeofthepersistenteatableformalitiesthatwerecertaintofollow。Isupposethathonestpeople，whohaveknownwhatitistogetnodinnerbeingaRogue，Ihavemyselfneverwantedforone，havegonethroughsomeveryacutesufferingunderthatprivation。Itmaybesomeconsolationtothemtoknowthat，nexttoabsolutestarvation，thesamecompany-dinner，everyday，isoneofthehardesttrialsthatassailhumanendurance。Idatemyfirstseriousdeterminationtothrowoverthemedicalprofessionattheearliestconvenientopportunity，fromthesecondseason\'sseriesofdinnersatwhichmyaspirations，asarisingphysician，unavoidablyandregularlycondemnedmetobepresent。
CHAPTERII。
THEopportunityIwantedpresenteditselfinacuriousway，andled，unexpectedlyenough，tosomeratherimportantconsequences。
Ihavealreadystated，amongtheotherbranchesofhumanattainmentwhichIacquiredatthepublicschool，thatIlearnedtodrawcaricaturesofthemasterswhoweresoobligingastoeducateme。Ihadanaturalfacultyforthisusefuldepartmentofart。IimproveditgreatlybypracticeinsecretafterIleftschool，andIendedbymakingitasourceofprofitandpocketmoneytomewhenIenteredthemedicalprofession。WhatwasItodo？Icouldnotexpectforyearstomakeahalfpenny，asaphysician。Mygenteelwalkinlifeledmeawayfromallimmediatesourcesofemolument，andmyfathercouldonlyaffordtogivemeanallowancewhichwastoopreposterouslysmalltobementioned。
Ihadhelpedmyselfsurreptitiouslytopocket-moneyatschool，bysellingmycaricatures，andIwasobligedtorepeattheprocessathome!
AtthetimeofwhichIwrite，theArtofCaricaturewasjustapproachingthecloseofitscoloredandmostextravagantstageofdevelopment。ThesubtletyandtruthtoNaturerequiredforthepursuitofitnow，hadhardlybeguntobethoughtofthen。Sheerfarceandcoarseburlesque，withplentyofcolorforthemoney，stillmadeupthesumofwhatthepublicofthosedayswanted。I
wasfirstassuredofmycapacityfortheproductionoftheserequisites，byamedicalfriendoftheripecriticalageofnineteen。Heknewaprint-publisher，andenthusiasticallyshowedhimaportfoliofullofmysketches，takingcareatmyrequestnottomentionmyname。RathertomysurpriseforIwastooconceitedtobegreatlyamazedbythecircumstance，thepublisherpickedoutafewofthebestofmywares，andboldlyboughtthemofme——ofcourse，athisownprice。
FromthattimeI
became，inananonymousway，oneoftheyoungbuccaneersofBritishCaricature；cruisingabouthere，thereandeverywhere，atallmyintervalsofsparetime，foranyprizeintheshapeofasubjectwhichitwaspossibletopickup。Littledidmyhighly-connectedmotherthinkthat，amongthecoloredprintsintheshop-window，whichdisrespectfullyillustratedthepublicandprivateproceedingsofdistinguishedindividuals，certainspecimensbearingtheclassicsignatureof\"ThersitesJunior，\"
wereproducedfromdesignsfurnishedbyherstudiousandmedicalson。Littledidmyrespectablefatherimaginewhen，withgreatdifficultyandvexation，hesucceededingettingmenowandthensmuggled，alongwithhimself，insidethepaleoffashionablesociety——thathewashelpingmetostudylikenesseswhichweredestinedundermyrecklesstreatmenttomakethepubliclaughatsomeofhismostaugustpatrons，andtofillthepocketsofhissonwithprofessionalfees，neveroncedreamedofinhisphilosophy。
FormorethanayearImanaged，unsuspected，tokeepthePrivyPursefairlysuppliedbytheexerciseofmycaricaturingabilities。Butthedayofdetectionwastocome。
Whethermymedicalfriend\'sadmirationofmysatiricalsketchesledhimintotalkingabouttheminpublicwithtoolittlereserve；orwhethertheservantsathomefoundprivatemeansofwatchingmeinmymomentsofArt-study，Iknownot:butthatsomeonebetrayedme，andthatthediscoveryofmyillicitmanufactureofcaricatureswasactuallycommunicatedeventothegrandmotherlyheadandfountofthefamilyhonor，isamostcertainandlamentablematteroffact。OnemorningmyfatherreceivedaletterfromLadyMalkinshawherself，informinghim，inahandwritingcrookedwithpoignantgrief，andblottedateverythirdwordbytheviolenceofvirtuousindignation，that\"ThersitesJunior\"washisownson，andthat，inoneofthelastofthe\"ribald\'s\"caricaturesherownvenerablefeatureswereunmistakablyrepresentedasbelongingtothebodyofalargeowl!
Ofcourse，Ilaidmyhandonmyheartandindignantlydeniedeverything。Useless。Myoriginalmodelfortheowlhadgotproofsofmyguiltthatwerenottoberesisted。
Thedoctor，ordinarilythemostmellifluousandself-possessedofmen，flewintoaviolent，roaring，cursingpassion，onthisoccasion——declaredthatIwasimperilingthehonorandstandingofthefamily——insistedonmyneverdrawinganothercaricature，eitherforpublicorprivatepurposes，aslongasIlived；andorderedmetogoforthwithandaskpardonofLadyMalkinshawinthehumblesttermsthatitwaspossibletoselect。IanswereddutifullythatIwasquitereadytoobey，ontheconditionthatheshouldreimbursemebyatrebledallowanceforwhatIshouldlosebygivinguptheArtofCaricature，orthatLadyMalkinshawshouldconferonmetheappointmentofphysician-in-waitingonher，withahandsomesalaryattached。Theseextremelymoderatestipulationssoincreasedmyfather\'sanger，thatheasserted，withanunmentionablyvulgaroath，hisresolutiontoturnmeoutofdoorsifIdidnotdoashebidme，withoutdaringtohintatanyconditionswhatsoever。Ibowed，andsaidthatIwouldsavehimtheexertionofturningmeoutofdoors，bygoingofmyownaccord。Heshookhisfistatme；afterwhichitobviouslybecamemyduty，asamemberofagentlemanlyandpeacefulprofession，toleavetheroom。ThesameeveningIleftthehouse，andIhaveneveroncegiventheclumsyandexpensivefootmanthetroubleofansweringthedoortomesincethattime。
Ihavereasontobelievethatmyexodusfromhomewas，onthewhole，favorablyviewedbymymother，astendingtoremoveanypossibilityofmybadcharacterandconductinterferingwithmysister\'sadvancementinlife。
Bydintofanglingwithgreatdexterityandpatience，underthedirectionofbothherparents，myhandsomesisterAnnabellahadsucceededincatchinganeligiblehusband，intheshapeofawizen，miserly，mahogany-coloredman，turnedfifty，whohadmadeafortuneintheWestIndies。HisnamewasBatterbury；hehadbeendriedupunderatropicalsun，soastolookasifhewouldkeepforages；hehadtwosubjectsofconversation，theyellow-feverandtheadvantageofwalkingexercise:andhewasbarbarianenoughtotakeaviolentdisliketome。Hehadprovedaverydelicatefishtohook；and，evenwhenAnnabellahadcaughthim，myfatherandmotherhadgreatdifficultyinlandinghim——principally，theyweregoodenoughtosay，inconsequenceofmypresenceonthescene。Hencethedecidedadvantageofmyremovalfromhome。Itisaverypleasantreflectiontome，now，torememberhowdisinterestedlyIstudiedthegoodofmyfamilyinthoseearlydays。
Abandonedentirelytomyownresources，Inaturallyreturnedtothebusinessofcaricaturingwithrenewedardor。
AboutthistimeThersitesJuniorreallybegantomakesomethinglikeareputation，andtowalkabroadhabituallywithabank-notecomfortablylodgedamongtheotherpapersinhispocketbook。ForayearIlivedagayandgloriouslifeinsomeofthefreestsocietyinLondon；attheendofthattime，mytradesmen，withoutanyprovocationonmypart，sentintheirbills。Ifoundmyselfintheveryabsurdpositionofhavingnomoneytopaythem，andtoldthemallsowiththefranknesswhichisoneofthebestsidesofmycharacter。Theyreceivedmyadvancestowardabetterunderstandingwithbrutalincivility，andtreatedmesoonafterwardwithawantofconfidencewhichImayforgive，butcanneverforget。Oneday，adirtystrangertouchedmeontheshoulder，andshowedmeadirtyslipofpaperwhichIatfirstpresumedtobehiscard。BeforeIcouldtellhimwhatavulgardocumentitlookedlike，twomoredirtystrangersputmeintoahackneycoach。BeforeIcouldprovetothemthatthisproceedingwasagrossinfringementonthelibertiesoftheBritishsubject，Ifoundmyselflodgedwithinthewallsofaprison。
Well!andwhatofthat？WhoamIthatIshouldobjecttobeinginprison，whensomanyoftheroyalpersonagesandillustriouscharactersofhistoryhavebeentherebeforeme？CanInotcarryonmyvocationingreatercomfortherethanIcouldinmyfather\'shouse？HaveIanyanxietiesoutsidethesewalls？No:formybelovedsisterismarried——thefamilynethaslandedMr。
Batterburyatlast。No:forIreadinthepapertheotherday，thatDoctorSoftlydoubtlessthroughtheinterestofLadyMalkinshawhasbeenappointedtheKing\'s-Barber-Surgeon\'s-Deputy-ConsultingPhysician。Myrelativesarecomfortableintheirsphere——letmeproceedforthwithtomakemyselfcomfortableinmine。Pen，ink，andpaper，ifyouplease，Mr。Jailer:Iwishtowritetomyesteemedpublisher。
\"DEARSIR——PleaseadvertiseaseriesoftwelveRacyPrints，frommyfertilepencil，entitled，\'ScenesofModernPrisonLife，\'byThersitesJunior。Thetwofirstdesignswillbereadybytheendoftheweek，tobepaidforondelivery，accordingtothetermssettledbetweenusformypreviouspublicationsofthesamesize。
\"Withgreatregardandesteem，faithfullyyours，FRANKSOFTLY。”
Havingthusprovidedformysupportinprison，Iwasenabledtointroducemyselftomyfellow-debtors，andtostudycharacterforthenewseriesofprints，ontheveryfirstdayofmyincarceration，withmymindquiteatease。
Ifthereaderdesirestomakeacquaintancewiththeassociatesofmycaptivity，Imustreferhimto\"ScenesofModernPrisonLife，\"
byThersitesJunior，nowdoubtlessextremelyscarce，butproducibletothedemandsofpatienceandperseverance，Ishouldimagine，ifanybodywillbesoobligingastopassaweekorsooverthecatalogueoftheBritishMuseum。MyfertilepencilhasdelineatedthecharactersImetwith，atthatperiodofmylife，withaforceanddistinctnesswhichmypencannothopetorival——hasportrayedthemallmoreorlessprominently，withtheonesolitaryexceptionofaprisonercalledGentlemanJones。ThereasonswhyIexcludedhimfrommyportrait-galleryaresohonorabletobothofus，thatImustaskpermissionbrieflytorecordthem。
Myfellow-captivessoondiscoveredthatIwasstudyingtheirpersonalpeculiaritiesformyownadvantageandforthepublicamusement。Somethoughtthethingagoodjoke；someobjectedtoit，andquarreledwithme。Liberalityinthematterofliquorandsmallloans，reconciledalargeproportionoftheobjectorstotheirfate；thesulkyminorityItreatedwithcontempt，andscourgedavenginglywiththesmartlashofcaricature。IwasatthattimeprobablythemostimpudentmanofmyageinallEngland，andthecommonflockofjail-birdsquailedbeforethemagnificenceofmyassurance。Oneprisoneronlysetmeandmypencilsuccessfullyatdefiance。ThatprisonerwasGentlemanJones。
Hehadreceivedhisnamefromthesuavityofhiscountenance，theinveteratepolitenessofhislanguage，andtheunassailablecomposureofhismanner。Hewasintheprimeoflife，butverybald——hadbeeninthearmyandthecoaltrade——woreverystiffcollarsandprodigiouslylongwristbands——seldomlaughed，buttalkedwithremarkableglibness，andwasneverknowntolosehistemperunderthemostaggravatingcircumstancesofprisonexistence。
Heabstainedfrominterferingwithmeandmystudies，untilitwasreportedinoursociety，thatinthesixthprintofmyseries，GentlemanJones，highlycaricatured，wastoformoneoftheprincipalfigures。Hethenappealedtomepersonallyandpublicly，ontheracket-ground，inthefollowingterms:
\"Sir，\"saidhe，withhisusualpolitenessandhisunwaveringsmile，\"youwillgreatlyobligemebynotcaricaturingmypersonalpeculiarities。Iamsounfortunateasnottopossessasenseofhumor；andifyoudidmylikeness，IamafraidIshouldnotseethejokeofit。”
\"Sir，\"Ireturned，withmycustomaryimpudence，\"itisnotoftheslightestimportancewhether_you_seethejokeofitornot。Thepublicwill——andthatisenoughforme。”
Withthatcivilspeech，Iturnedonmyheel；andtheprisonersnearallburstoutlaughing。GentlemanJones，notintheleastalteredorruffled，smootheddownhiswristbands，smiled，andwalkedaway。
ThesameeveningIwasinmyroomalone，designingthenewprint，whentherecameaknockatthedoor，andGentlemanJoneswalkedin。Igotup，andaskedwhatthedevilhewanted。Hesmiled，andturneduphislongwristbands。
\"Onlytogiveyoualessoninpoliteness，\"saidGentlemanJones。
\"Whatdoyoumean，sir？Howdareyou——？\"
Theanswerwasasmartslapontheface。Iinstantlystruckoutinastateoffury——wasstoppedwithgreatneatness——andreceivedinreturnablowonthehead，whichsentmedownonthecarpethalfstunned，andtoogiddytoknowthedifferencebetweenthefloorandtheceiling。
\"Sir，\"saidGentlemanJones，smoothingdownhiswristbandsagain，andaddressingmeblandlyasIlayonthefloor，\"Ihavethehonortoinformyouthatyouhavenowreceivedyourfirstlessoninpoliteness。Alwaysbeciviltothosewhoareciviltoyou。Thelittlematterofthecaricaturewewillsettleonafutureoccasion。Iwishyougood-evening。”
Thenoiseofmyfallhadbeenheardbytheotheroccupantsofroomsonmylanding。Mostfortunatelyformydignity，theydidnotcomeintoseewhatwasthematteruntilIhadbeenabletogetintomychairagain。Whentheyentered，Ifeltthattheimpressionoftheslapwasredonmyfacestill，butthemarkoftheblowwashiddenbymyhair。Underthesefortunatecircumstances，Iwasabletokeepupmycharacteramongmyfriends，whentheyinquiredaboutthescuffle，byinformingthemthatGentlemanJoneshadaudaciouslyslappedmyface，andthatI
hadbeenobligedtoretaliatebyknockinghimdown。Mywordintheprisonwasasgoodashis；andifmyversionofthestorygotfairlythestartofhis，Ihadthebetterchanceofthetwoofbeingbelieved。
Iwasratheranxious，thenextday，toknowwhatcoursemypoliteandpugilisticinstructorwouldtake。Tomyutteramazement，hebowedtomeascivillyasusualwhenwemetintheyard；heneverdeniedmyversionofthestory；andwhenmyfriendslaughedathimasathrashedman，hetooknottheslightestnoticeoftheiragreeablemerriment。Antiquity，Ithink，furnishesuswithfewmoreremarkablecharactersthanGentlemanJones。
ThateveningIthoughtitdesirabletoinviteafriendtopassthetimewithme。Aslongasmyliquorlastedhestopped；whenitwasgone，hewentaway。Iwasjustlockingthedoorafterhim，whenitwaspushedopengently，butveryfirmly，andGentlemanJoneswalkedin。
Mypride，whichhadnotallowedmetoapplyforprotectiontotheprisonauthorities，wouldnotallowmenowtocallforhelp。I
triedtogettothefireplaceandarmmyselfwiththepoker，butGentlemanJoneswastooquickforme。\"Ihavecome，sir，togiveyoualessoninmoralityto-night，\"hesaid；andupwenthisrighthand。
Istoppedthepreliminaryslap，butbeforeIcouldhithim，histerribleleftfistreachedmyheadagain；anddownIfelloncemore——uponthehearth-rugthistime——notover-heavily。
\"Sir，\"saidGentlemanJones，makingmeabow，\"youhavenowreceivedyourfirstlessoninmorality。Alwaysspeakthetruth；
andneversaywhatisfalseofanothermanbehindhisback。
To-morrow，withyourkindpermission，wewillfinallysettletheadjournedquestionofthecaricature。Good-night。”
Iwasfartoosensibleamantoleavethesettlingofthatquestiontohim。ThefirstthinginthemorningIsentapolitenotetoGentlemanJones，informinghimthatIhadabandonedallideaofexhibitinghislikenesstothepublicinmyseriesofprints，andgivinghimfullpermissiontoinspecteverydesignI
madebeforeitwentoutoftheprison。Ireceivedamostcivilanswer，thankingmeformycourtesy，andcomplimentingmeontheextraordinaryaptitudewithwhichIprofitedbythemostincompleteandelementaryinstruction。IthoughtIdeservedthecompliment，andIthinksostill。Ourconduct，asIhavealreadyintimated，washonorabletous，oneitherside。ItwashonorableattentiononthepartofGentlemanJonestocorrectmewhenIwasinerror；itwashonorablecommonsenseinmetoprofitbythecorrection。Ihaveneverseenthisgreatmansincehecompoundedwithhiscreditorsandgotoutofprison；butmyfeelingstowardhimarestillthoseofprofoundgratitudeandrespect。HegavemetheonlyusefulteachingIeverhad；andifthisshouldmeettheeyeofGentlemanJonesIherebythankhimforbeginningandendingmyeducationintwoevenings，withoutcostingmeormyfamilyasinglefarthing。
CHAPTERIII。
Toreturntomybusinessaffairs。WhenIwascomfortablysettledintheprison，andknewexactlywhatIowed，Ithoughtitmydutytomyfathertogivehimthefirstchanceofgettingmeout。HisanswertomylettercontainedaquotationfromShakespeareonthesubjectofthanklesschildren，butnoremittanceofmoney。Afterthat，myonlycoursewastoemployalawyerandbedeclaredabankrupt。Iwasmostuncivillytreated，andremandedtwoorthreetimes。WheneverythingIpossessedhadbeensoldforthebenefitofmycreditors，Iwasreprimandedandletout。Itispleasanttothinkthat，eventhen，myfaithinmyselfandinhumannaturewasstillnotshaken。
Abouttendaysbeforemyliberation，Iwasthunderstruckatreceivingavisitfrommysister\'smahogany-coloredhusband，Mr。
Batterbury。WhenIwasrespectablysettledathome，thisgentlemanwouldnotsomuchaslookatmewithoutafrown；andnow，whenIwasascamp，inprison，hemercifullyandfraternallycametocondolewithmeonmymisfortunes。Alittledexterousquestioningdisclosedthesecretofthisprodigiouschangeinourrelationstowardeachother，andinformedmeofafamilyeventwhichalteredmypositiontowardmysisterinthemostwhimsicalmanner。
WhileIwasbeingremovedtothebankruptcycourt，myuncleinthesoapandcandletradewasbeingremovedtotheotherworld。
Hiswilltooknonoticeofmyfatherormymother；buthelefttomysisteralwayssupposedtobehisfavoriteinthefamilyamostextraordinarylegacyofpossiblepin-money，intheshapeofacontingentreversiontothesumofthreethousandpounds，payableonthedeathofLadyMalkinshaw，providedIsurvivedher。
WhetherthisdocumentsprangintoexistenceoutofanyofhisinvolvedmoneytransactionswithhismotherwasmorethanMr。
Batterburycouldtell。Icouldascertainnothinginrelationtoit，exceptthatthebequestwasaccompaniedbysomecynicalremarks，totheeffectthatthetestatorwouldfeelhappyifhislegacywereinstrumentalinrevivingthedormantinterestofonlyonememberofDoctorSoftly\'sfamilyinthefortunesofthehopefulyounggentlemanwhohadrunawayfromhome。Myesteemeduncleevidentlyfeltthathecouldnotincommondecencyavoiddoingsomethingforhissister\'sfamily；andhehaddoneitaccordinglyinthemostmaliciousandmischievousmanner。Thiswascharacteristicofhim；hewasjusttheman，ifhehadnotpossessedthedocumentbefore，tohavehaditdrawnoutonhisdeath-bedfortheamiablepurposewhichitwasnowdevotedtoserve。
Herewasaprettycomplication!Herewasmysister\'shandsomelegacymadedependentonmyoutlivingmygrandmother!Thiswasdivertingenough；butMr。Batterbury\'sconductwasmoreamusingstill。
Themiserlylittlewretchnotonlytriedtoconcealhisgreedydesiretosavehisownpocketsbysecuringtheallowanceofpin-moneylefttohiswife，butabsolutelypersistedinignoringtheplainfactthathisvisittomesprangfromtheseriouspecuniaryinterestwhichheandAnnabellanowhadinthelifeandhealthofyourhumbleservant。ImadeallthenecessaryjokesaboutthestrengthofthevitalprincipleinLadyMalkinshaw，andthebrokenconditionofmyownconstitution；buthesolemnlyabstainedfromunderstandingoneofthem。Heresolutelykeptupappearancesintheveryfaceofdetection；notthefaintestshadeofredcameoverhiswickedoldmahoganyfaceashetoldmehowshockedheandhiswifewereatmypresentposition，andhowanxiousAnnabellawasthatheshouldnotforgettogivemeherlove。Tenderheartedcreature!Ihadonlybeeninprisonsixmonthswhenthatoverwhelmingtestimonyofsisterlyaffectioncametoconsolemeinmycaptivity。Ministeringangel!youshallgetyourthreethousandpounds。IamfiftyyearsyoungerthanLadyMalkinshaw，andIwilltakecareofmyself，Annabella，forthydearsake!
ThenexttimeIsawMr。BatterburywasonthedaywhenIatlastgotmydischarge。HewasnotwaitingtoseewhereIwasgoingnext，orwhatvitalrisksIwaslikelytorunontherecoveryofmyfreedom，buttocongratulateme，andtogivemeAnnabella\'slove。Itwasaverygratifyingattention，andIsaidasmuch，intonesofthedeepestfeeling。
\"HowisdearLadyMalkinshaw？\"Iasked，whenmygratefulemotionshadsubsided。
Mr。Batterburyshookhisheadmournfully。\"Iregrettosay，notquitesowellasherfriendscouldwish，\"heanswered。\"ThelasttimeIhadthepleasureofseeingherladyship，shelookedsoyellowthatifwehadbeeninJamaicaIshouldhavesaiditwasacaseofdeathintwelvehours。Irespectfullyendeavoredtoimpressuponherladyshipthenecessityofkeepingthefunctionsoftheliveractivebydailywalkingexercise；time，distance，andpacebeingregulatedwithproperregardtoherage——youunderstandme？——ofcourse，withproperregardtoherage。”
\"Youcouldnotpossiblyhavegivenherbetteradvice，\"Isaid。
\"WhenIsawher，aslongastwoyearsago，LadyMalkinshaw\'sfavoritedelusionwasthatshewasthemostactivewomanofseventy-fiveinallEngland。Sheusedtotumbledownstairstwoorthreetimesaweek，then，becausesheneverwouldallowanyonetohelpher；andcouldnotbebroughttobelievethatshewasasblindasamole，andasricketyonherlegsasachildofayearold。Nowyouhaveencouragedhertotaketowalking，shewillbemoreobstinatethanever，andissuretotumbledowndaily，outofdoorsaswellasin。NoteventhecelebratedMalkinshawtoughnesscanlastoutmorethanafewweeksofthatpractice。
Consideringthepresentshatteredconditionofmyconstitution，youcouldn\'thavegivenherbetteradvice——uponmywordofhonor，youcouldn\'thavegivenherbetteradvice!\"
\"Iamafraid，\"saidMr。Batterbury，withapoweroffaceI
envied；\"Iamafraid，mydearFrankletmecallyouFrank，thatIdon\'tquiteapprehendyourmeaning:andwehaveunfortunatelynotimetoenterintoexplanations。Fivemilesherebyaroundaboutwayisonlyhalfmydailyallowanceofwalkingexercise；fivemilesbackbyaroundaboutwayremaintobenowaccomplished。Sogladtoseeyouatlibertyagain!Mindyouletusknowwhereyousettle，andtakecareofyourself；anddorecognizetheimportancetothewholeanimaleconomyofdailywalkingexercise——donow!DidIgiveyouAnnabella\'slove？She\'ssowell。Good-by。”
AwaywentMr。Batterburytofinishhiswalkforthesakeofhishealth，andawaywentItovisitmypublisherforthesakeofmypocket。
Anunexpecteddisappointmentawaitedme。My\"ScenesofModernPrisonLife\"hadnotsoldsowellashadbeenanticipated，andmypublisherwasgrufflydisinclinedtospeculateinanyfutureworksdoneinthesamestyle。Duringthetimeofmyimprisonment，anewcaricaturisthadstarted，withamannerofhisown；hehadalreadyformedanewschool，andtheficklepublicwereallrunningtogetherafterhimandhisdisciples。Isaidtomyself:
\"Thissceneinthedramaofyourlife，myfriend，hasclosedin；
youmustenteronanother，ordropthecurtainatonce。”OfcourseIenteredonanother。
Takingleaveofmypublisher，Iwenttoconsultanartist-friendonmyfutureprospects。Isupposedmyselftobemerelyonmywaytoachangeofprofession。Asdestinyorderedit，Iwasalsoonmywaytothewomanwhowasnotonlytobetheobjectofmyfirstlove，buttheinnocentcauseofthegreatdisasterofmylife。
IfirstsawherinoneofthenarrowstreetsleadingfromLeicesterSquaretotheStrand。TherewassomethinginherfacedimlyvisiblebehindathickveilthatinstantlystoppedmeasIpassedher。Ilookedbackandhesitated。Herfigurewastheperfectionofmodestgrace。Iyieldedtotheimpulseofthemoment。Inplainwords，Ididwhatyouwouldhavedone，inmyplace——Ifollowedher。
Shelookedround——discoveredme——andinstantlyquickenedherpace。ReachingthewestwardendoftheStrand，shecrossedthestreetandsuddenlyenteredashop。
Ilookedthroughthewindow，andsawherspeaktoarespectableelderlypersonbehindthecounter，whodartedanindignantlookatme，andatonceledmycharmingstrangerintoabackoffice。
Forthemoment，Iwasfoolenoughtofeelpuzzled；itwasoutofmycharacteryouwillsay——butremember，allmenarefoolswhentheyfirstfallinlove。AfteralittlewhileIrecoveredtheuseofmysenses。Theshopwasatthecornerofasidestreet，leadingtothemarket，sinceremovedtomakeroomfortherailway。\"There\'sabackentrancetothehouse!\"Ithoughttomyself——andrandownthesidestreet。Toolate!thelovelyfugitivehadescapedme。HadIlostherforeverinthegreatworldofLondon？Ithoughtsoatthetime。EventswillshowthatIneverwasmoremistakeninmylife。
Iwasinnohumortocallonmyfriend。ItwasnotuntilanotherdayhadpassedthatIsufficientlyrecoveredmycomposuretoseepovertystaringmeintheface，andtounderstandthatIhadreallynoalternativebuttoaskthegood-naturedartisttolendmeahelpinghand。